Even though women are independent nowadays, there is still a tendency to want to be rescued. You want to be ‘saved’ somehow from yourself, perhaps. The only person in your head who can do that is your partner. A man. We are slowly getting away from that, but then we go to the other extreme. We don’t need a man or anyone. We are perfect by ourselves. We need to be alone in order to really experience womanhood.
Both extremes are wrong, of course. Anything that isn’t in balance cannot be true. Balance is the direction that all of us strive towards. We cannot be if we are tipping towards one direction. You do not feel right somehow. That feeling of un-right will never disappear if you are in imbalance. I have gone towards both extremes in relationships. Being single for the longest time, not needing anyone, being independent. Being in a relationship, giving myself completely to the other person, being co-dependent.
Neither direction felt right, or good in anyway. I felt lost both ways. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I knew something was wrong. I had to escape, run away to another country, in order to correct the imbalance. Then again, I didn’t have to travel 3000 miles to fix the imbalance. I just had to take care of my needs. My need as a female, and as a partner. I had to remember that all of us crave companionship. We need someone in our lives to call our own, who takes care of us, who we take care of. It is a human need.
It doesn’t mean that once you are in a relationship, you stop your own life. You stop doing yoga, or manicures. You stop going to coffee with friends. You stop dancing till the sun comes up. You stop eating tubs of ice-cream and watching romantic comedies. Whatever you need to do, in order to be you, you are going to keep on doing. That is hard to do sometimes when you are in a relationship. Relationships are fun, but they are also time-consuming. You had so much more free time as a single woman. You have to remember to make time for yourself. In whatever way works for you.
I am still working on that balance myself. I veer too much to one side or the other. I think it might be a life-long journey.