Sleepy

22 05 2011

I’m so sleepy right now. I think sometimes that in my twenties I should go out every weekend as much as I can, dance my ass off, while I still have a great ass. Anyway, I was supposed to go to This is London nightclub, but the truth of the matter is that I hate that club. Most clubs are pretentious and snobby, but this club takes it to a whole new level. There is no getting in there without a guest list, as there are so many people who want to get in there. The cover is $20, which is extremely high in my opinion. We are going to be spending money in there on alcohol, why charge us an exorbitant amount to get in?

The people who come to this club are beautiful, skinny, well-dressed and ready for a good time. I have gone there and gotten the numbers of several guys out of which three actually texted me the next day, weirdly enough. Still, I do not like this club. I do not feel like going back there tonight. I will be going on my own, as the rest of the people who are coming are already downtown drinking it up. I hate standing in lineups in Toronto on my own, I do not mind doing that in random places like Bangkok, where I have no choice, but here it seems dire. I will be dancing with random people and making friends which I do not mind, but today it just seems a tiring choice. I would rather just go to sleep.

It was such a beautiful day today. Gorgeous, sunny and bright. I spent all of the day outside getting my Vitamin D on my porch swing, and I was so lazy. I did nothing. I mean nothing. I couldn’t even move a muscle. I just laid down, and was languid.

I just wanted to share with you what I am going to do on my long weekend. Which is a big nothing. Really, I got nothing planned. Is that sad? I am not sad at the thought of doing nothing, isn’t that weird? Before I would be unhappy if I had a weekend with nothing planned, I had to have something to do every weekend otherwise I felt useless, old, boring. Now, I am happy with the inactivity. I work tomorrow for a few hours, we have a family gathering tomorrow night, and Monday I do some chores, sit at home, spend time with family.

I hope you have a great long weekend. Happy May 24! Cheers!


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Categories : Family, Relationship

Feeling stuck and blue

13 04 2011

I am not having a good week. Seriously, awful. Is it a test? I dont know what it is, maybe the ups and downs are a normal part of life, or maybe it isn’t really a down, it is just my perspective of it.  Whatever it is, I cried a lot more this week, than in the past 9 months combined. I dont know whats going on with me. Hormones? No, it is the feeling of uselessness, the feeling of unmovement, the feeling of being stuck. As you know, I want to start traveling soon, and by soon, I mean, in the next year. I already have a travel partner, we already know where we want to go, the travel bug has affected my bloodstream, it has taken hold upon me. I wake up every morning dreaming about it, unless I am hungry, than I dream about food.

But because I cannot for the life of me, find a job, I am stuck. I am unable to move. I am unable to travel, until I find a steady paycheck job and use it to pay off every last shred of my mortal enemy, my student loans. The funny thing is that I used to congratulate myself on the fact that the only loan I have is student loans, not realizing that the reason I had to use loans for school, was because I spent too much money on crap, which then I used my savings to pay off. Thus, no savings, resulted in taking out student loans to pay for school. Ughers! I used to be a shopaholic, and thank God, I am not anymore, I learned my lesson, but now, I kick myself in the backside every time I remember, the thousands that I had saved up and that went down the drain. Of course, not really down the drain, it went towards providing me with life lessons, valuable life lessons about money and debt that I will keep with me forever.

Another reason I feel blue is because of a man. Of course, a drumroll isn’t needed, I only feel blue about men nowadays, as everything else in my life is in shape. Why are men the way they are? Why don’t they mean the things they say? When they say, I will call you after work tonight, does that mean, a week from today or never? I dont understand. Whenever I think a boy likes me, I get excited of course, especially when I like him back, and then nothing. Kaput! The flames are ignited and blown off as quickly as they began. What am I doing wrong? Am I doing everything right, but it is just not meant to be? Real relationships aren’t supposed to be that hard, right? I mean, you are supposed to like each other, why wouldn’t you want to see more of each other? Maybe I need to get a life, and stop bothering the people in my life who actually have lives. It seems everyone else I know is busy or stressed out about time, except me. I have oodles of it, for good reason. I actually planned it out that way. I want to be in the moment, I choose to spend time doing the things that matter. But still, when I really like a guy and he doesn’t call me back for a few days, I get blue.


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Categories : Money, Relationship, Travel

Technology and loneliness

5 03 2011

I am sitting on our couch on a Saturday night. It is raining outside, and it is comfortably cozy inside. The fake fireplace is burning, and I am snuggly under a fleecy blanket. I have a great book on my lap and I am reading, listening to the tap-tap of the raindrops against the window next to me. It is a quiet, unhurried, small existence, and I am happy with it.

I am thinking about an ad I saw. It was about a typical American family like ours. Everyone is on their own laptops or iPhones. No one is communicating with each other, they are all in their own worlds. A lot of nights the whole family will be at home together, but in separate rooms, watching separate televisions and/or on separate laptops and cellphones.

Technology is amazing, I’m not dissing it for sure. Having traveled in places where there was no electricity at night, or even during the day, or running water, I am all for technology. Heat, Light and Running Water is crucial. Without it, you feel lost as a human being. But I find that Technology is definitely driving us apart as family members and human beings. We do not have conversations, we do not play board games, we do not have family game nights, we do not sit on the dining tables and have dinner together. We meet each other for a few minutes in the morning at the door while we are speeding out the door, or a few minutes at night when we come to the kitchen to grab something to eat. Otherwise, we stay locked up in our rooms, in our nests.

I found that I was spending so much time on my own in my room, that I would get antsy if someone came around to my room, and sat down next to me on the bed, or stood in my room asking me a question. I would get antsy if I came downstairs from my room and saw everyone sitting there in the family room. I was definitely absolutely avoiding spending time with my parents in the family room. I would leave the room the instant someone else came into it. Why did I get that way?

Even now, I have to force myself to sit down and stay in a room when there are others in there. But weirdly enough, after all that forced solitude, I feel lonely and alone. I feel like going out and being around loads of other random people in a bar. Is that really rational? A rational way of spending my time? I definitely do not think so.

Technology is definitely making us feel lonelier, because we let it divide and conquer. We need to be cognizant of the fact and make sure, we spend time with the people that matter, without the added accompanied electronic devices.

 


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Categories : Family, Relationship

Location, location, location

21 07 2009

If you have been reading my blog, you know that I have been biking for the past few weeks. Trying to do my part for the environment and my wallet, instead of spending $200 a month on gas, I save that money. I have noticed a shift in my thinking patterns in the past few weeks. Ever since I have decided to tramp half way across the world, I have noticed, that going 50 miles north or west in my city, doesn’t seem like such a big deal to me. I am going to be travelling 10,000 kms to Australia soon and then travelling around Asia, or at least thats the plan. If I am planning to do all that, going around a little part of my city, a little part of the Earth, doesn’t seem like such a big deal to me.

Before, even going downtown, would have seemed like such a big deal, its so far away, it takes an hour to get there. Now, it seems like its around the corner to my different mindset.

Nights have taken on a whole new meaning to me as well. Before I would be afraid of being out at night, I had to be home by a certain time. I was afraid of the dangers that the night presented in my head, probably a by-product of my parents’ teaching. But now I know that I will be travelling at night often in strange cities, and I have already gotten used to that fact. I know this city of mine, so I do not worry about being out late at night, without any transportation or money. I know everything will be fine, and everything will work out for the best. Just have to be alert and in tune with my environment.

In addition, time itself has changed in my mind. Because I know that I will have so much time to myself, not working, and just travelling, time has taken on a whole new meaning to me. I dont worry about time passing, I dont worry about not using every second of the day as much as possible. I dont panic about not going dancing one weekend. I know that in the next year, I will have lots of moments to enjoy, to dance, to be on my own, I will be able to do what I want. Every day will be a Saturday and thus, weekends are changing their ways as well. I do not worry about packing as much as possible into the weekends, because the weekdays are going to be hard to do stuff in, with work. I know that I have a whole year full of weekends, or more coming up and I don’t need to worry about that.

I love how my mindset is changing in so many different ways, just because I have decided to go. I haven’t even left yet, I can’t imagine how I am going to change when I actually go on this trip.


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Categories : Life


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