I’m in a rut

13 06 2011

The title of this post says it all. I feel like I am in a rut. I feel like my routine has become too routine. I need a change of some sort, something to prod me into action or prod me into something different. What should I do? I am in a relationship rut. I haven’t felt passion and lust in the longest time. I mean, it has been forever. I am afraid I am never going to fall in love again after the disastrous first love that I had. No man excites me. Am I meeting the wrong men? A lot of them either bore me to tears or just do not interest me. Is it me that is the problem here? I have no idea. But something has to change. It has been three years since my break up and while my ex has been racking up exes of his own after me, I have been single and single and single some more.

The rut has gotten so bad that I do not want to even blog anymore. What is the point of writing? Nothing new is happening. At least relationship wise. I am working on my fitness again, I keep on gaining and losing the five pounds on my belly, so it is an ongoing struggle. Besides that I think I am looking great, my body is fit, my hair is long and healthy, my face is doing alright. I am getting old, but doing well for now.

And if someone does interest me in the longest, like the guy who refuses to call back even though he is seemingly still interested, there is nothing there. We haven’t seen each other in almost a month and a half. These are not the actions of a person who is interested. I try to give leeway by saying he is busy. So I text him to say, don’t worry, if you have lost interest in me, I can stop messaging you, it is no big deal. And he messages back saying, I would love to see you soon, as soon as work slacks off a bit. What the hell is up with the mixed signals? I am confused, I need help.

I am still reading a lot, volunteering a bit, walking around downtown, going on a few dates, going to yoga religiously, drinking smoothies, trying to enjoy the summer. But I need something new. I am thinking Plenty of Fish might be a start. Lets see what developments I can report from there.


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Categories : Life, Relationship

A warm day

4 04 2011

I had a really good day today, really great. I woke up in the morning, and I realized I had slept for more than twelve hours, which is alright because I am recovering from a major bout of flu that completely took me out of commission for a whole week. I realized that the high today is going to be 15 degrees, so I decided to go for the first run of spring, of many more to come hopefully. I went around my neighborhood and I found a creek! It was beautiful gushing water, from the rain that had been pouring all night. It was amazing, the birds were chirping, the earthworms were out sunning themselves, the trees were slowly sprouting little red fruits or something, the world was finally coming alive again after a long winter. I cannot, cannot wait until we have leaves on the tress again.

I sat down next to the creek, the water soothing my nerves, and sat there recollecting my thoughts. I realized that I want to do a few things differently this summer – I would like to go on a few day-long hikes in the nature reserves that we have in Ontario, I would like to bike to work as much as possible, I would like to do a community barbeque, I would like to do a few cleanups with my siblings, I would like to start my own organic vegetable garden.

I don’t think any of the above are especially difficult. They are all doable and they are better than sitting around at home, waiting for something to happen, getting bored or something. It made me excited to think of the things to come. I am happy sitting here right now, reading my books and thinking about the warm sun shining on my face, and my feet without my big winter boots on them, it just makes me tingle to think of it.


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Categories : Gardening, Life

Sickness prevails

25 03 2011

No matter how healthy of a human being you might be, the minute the cold bug invades your body, you feel like a weak loser. I felt good last week, a strong yoga body prevailing over all the evil forces in the world. I felt good. Of course, that is when, you get cocky and over confident, and you do stupid things. I washed my hair at the yoga studio and walked out in minus 11 weather with wet hair. Stupid! El stupido!

I got a cold the very next day. I was sniffling, my head was heavy, my body was feathery, I felt dizzy and I lost appetite, I definitely did not want to do any yoga. I just wanted to lie in bed and sleep, and sleep, and sleep the day away. I am still recovering from the cold. Let me tell ya, people do not like you coughing anywhere in the vicinity of their food or drinks. I have been banned from the restaurant, until I can get my cold under control. Loss of income doesn’t make a happy camper.

I am excited to let you guys know that I will be a volunteer at the Toronto Clothing Swap, Take off your clothes event, taking place at the Trinity Bellwoods Community Center. I talked about a few posts earlier. If you are interested in it, you should definitely drop by.

Besides that, nothing new has been happening in my life. It is just rolling along, quite satisfactorily. I am happy. Really happy with the way my life is going. I mean, I have nothing to complain about. I am happy, living my life on my terms, the way I want to, spending my time, doing the things I want to do. I am volunteering with organizations like the Clothing swap, and Not Far From the Tree, which is an organization that prevents the waste of fruit on fruit trees in neighborhoods like yours and mine. I am looking forward to volunteering for the campaigning that will go on for our Federal Elections. That is always a lot of fun.

I mean, its great. There is going to be a lot of stuff going on this summer, and I can partake in all of it, because I am not working 50 hour weeks at some random job, in some far away city, with a long commute back home that tires me out. I work 30 hours a week, and commute back home easily and quickly in 45 minutes, destressing on the way back on the bus with my 102.1 Edge playing in my head.

Now, its time for me to go back to sleep, with my sore throat and vague dreams. Talk to you soon.


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Categories : Life

I am…

22 02 2011

sitting here on my mother’s desk in her home office, overlooking a vast expanse of snow-laden park ground, and suddenly, out of the blue, a sense of happiness pervades me. I feel happy thinking that in a few short weeks, spring will be here. Just the thought of it makes me really happy. Spring will be here, and I will be sitting here, not facing a vast amount of white, but hopefully, a vast amount of green and color. Summer is going to be fun. It is always fun. Barbeques, and gardening, Sunshine and running outdoors, walking downtown and exploring new areas, lots of icecream from Marble Slab. And all the fun festivals. All of it just makes me happy. And the fun part about it is all of it is totally affordable on a thrifty budget, like mine. As all of the above is practically free. You can find many more ways of amusing yourself for free in summertime than in the winter. Not to say that I do not love winter as much as I love summer. All of the seasons are a chance to rejoice, to see the changes in the environment, in the weather, in the people, in the fashions, in the sense of humor.

Just like people are more cheerful during Christmastime, I believe the same is true for Summertime. Everyone is cheerful, well, almost everyone is.


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Categories : random


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