This might be an odd post for people who do not have the same experience as me. Feel free to ignore. I am not talking about figuratively having my back to the wall, but literally.
I am the kind of person who likes to sit in a restaurant with her back to the wall, I like to stand in a club with my back to the wall, I like to dance in a tent with my back to the wall, I like to sit in my office with my back to the wall, etc.
I like to be facing the world, so I can see exactly what is going on, rather than have my back to someone. It is instinct that has been bred into me through years of working as a Peace Officer. There was a constant threat of danger around, so I had to make sure that I was always vigilant, I was always watching everything happening around me, that I was constantly scanning my environment for anything threatening, and I was always ready to move at an instant’s notice.
Even though I have moved away from that role, I am still constantly vigilant. I like to know where I am. I like to scan the room I am in to see how it’s shaped, where everything is, where the exits are, where the people are located, etc.
I noticed this trait of mine when I was in a yoga class. I always noticed that I like to place my mat at the edge of the class, near the wall. It didn’t have to be the back wall or the side wall. It could even be the front wall, as long as I could see everything with the mirror in the class. I decided that I couldn’t let this instinct of mine control me, so I decided to try an experiment.
I tried to place my mat right in the middle of the room, no walls protecting me. Just me and the mat, surrounded by people, and their mats. It was a really odd experience. I think the only reason I was alright with it, was because I trust the studio and I trust the people who come to the studio. And also, I was in front of a big mirror, which allowed me to see everything around me. I want to keep on making myself uncomfortable by placing my mat in the middle of the room, and see how that enhances the rest of my senses.