Brownvagabonder's Blog

So I am just going to spill out whatever’s going on with me, without any regard for grammar or anything else. I have been going through a lot of different blogs, and I am pleasantly surprised to see how many blogs are out there to deal with Fat people dealing with the different prejudices against fat people in general. Its great to see that there are people out there dealing with pain and prejudice anyway they can. I have never had to deal with prejudice to do with being fat, although I have dealt with prejudice to do with being colored, and I know in the end, all prejudice feels the same. It feels painful for the person who has to deal with it. Its hard to think that we can put spaceships on the moon, but we cannot get over what a person looks like and what color their skin is.

I am still going back and forth with what I want to tell my company. I was so uncomfortable going into work yesterday that I had to call in sick. I had to take the whole day to calm down, because I was just getting so agitated, even just thinking about going to work. I am losing my mind, yes, I know. I walked around all day, read my books, and tried to think, only 16 more days of work, and then you can leave. Just 16 more days, you are lucky, there are people out there who have to work all their life, and they haev no respite. Y0u are lucky enough to take a break from this mundane humdrumness. But, I still wasn’t convinced. Maybe its because I haven’t been to the gym in a whole week, but whatever it is, I am losing my mind one neuron cell at a time. I have decided I am going to give in my two weeks notice at the end of next week, which gives me 16 days of work. Which is not bad at all. It is going to be grindingly slow, and painfully hard to go through each day, but slowly and surely, I will pass these days, and in a zippy, they will be gone, and I will be in Australia, clutching my backpack and netbook, feeling freaking scared, scared shitless out of my pants, so that my bowel movements will be totally disoriented.

Shit, now that I think about it, I’m scared. No one’s going to like me, no one’s going to talk to me, I am going to be the odd one out, I will be always sitting by myself, and I will never find a friend. I know, this is the extreme scenario, I’m a friendly person, people always love me, they want to usually talk to me, but what if, Australians don’t like me, specifically?

Well, I am doing this soon and I am excited and scared, half and half, and I cannot wait to leave. Only 16 more days, I chant to myself. Om Namashivaya, Only 16 more days, Hamsa, Only 16 more days.

I also feel like a traitor to my two good friends at work – They are such great people, I feel bad that I am just leavin like that, but it would be the same, if I was kicked out by the company. I would have been leaving anyways, right? Seeing all the people being let go here and everywhere else, instead of making me hold on to this job even harder, is making me glad I’m leaving. I do not want to be one of those people who gets surprised that she was let go. Instead, I am leaving before they kick me out, and doing my own thing.

One more thing, I do not like it when people have all of these blogs posted everywhere, and then I go to their blogs, all excited, and they haven’t posted in the last few months or years. It annoys.