Dancing through the wind

16 05 2012

I love to dance. I absolutely love it. I mean, moving in any way is appealing to me. I like it. I love it. I want to be dancing all of my life away.

Some would say I am a dreamer.

It’s like that quote from John Lennon – “When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”

I want to be a dancer. That is what I want to be. Not professionally in any way, because I find that too restrictive. I just want to be a dancer in the daily sense of the word. I want to dance the days away. Dancing doesn’t only mean going to a club and boogeying to a great beat, or participating in a ballroom dancing competition. Dancing means to me moving gracefully, ethereally, through the wind. Moving through the world with a sense of participation. Participating in life in general. Being present in the moment.

Dancing in the wind.

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one.”

― John Lennon


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories : Life

My ideal life

30 04 2011

I have been thinking a lot over the past year, since I have been back from my travels on what my ideal life would be. I mean, everyone dreams about retirement, but I want to live my ideal life, the one that people want to start living at retirement right now. Why the delay of twenty-five or thirty years? Why not try and integrate some aspects of ideality into your life right now?

I know some aspects of what my ideal life would consist of and I suddenly had a eureka. I am living my ideal life right now. I am going to repeat that, because I still do not believe that statement. I AM LIVING MY IDEAL LIFE RIGHT NOW.

Crazy, right? I mean, what a statement to make. It is pretty out there. I am not waiting for some point in the future to live my ideal life. I am living it right now. I am living the life that I would want to live when I am retired, or when I win a million dollars, or when I get an inheritance from a crazy aunt who lives in Pikipsie.

I work 25 to 30 hours a week, so basically part-time. I work at a job where I move around a lot, not a desk job. It is a physical job, and it has instant gratification and recognition through tips. I earn enough money from that job to support myself, I have enough money to pay off my loans, pay for my yoga classes, pay for TTC, and pay for occasional drinking binges. I live with my parents which makes it easier. But I believe due to my frugality, I would be able to live on my own as well on the amount that I earn right now, once my loans are paid off.

The rest of my life is ideal in that it is simple. Minimalism is the key. I do not advocate to consumerism so I do not have a lot of stuff I have to take care of. I could leave in an instant to go traveling and there would be nothing precious left behind that would take up my mind space in worries. I have a great social life, going out with friends, meeting new people, going on dates with new guys every week, spending time with family. I eat well and I have enough time to spend 3-4 times a week going to two hour yoga classes, which is great for my body. I am in my ideal shape ever, I feel great, I look great. I have time to go volunteer for causes that I care about.

I cannot think of anything else that would my life even more ideal. I am saving up to go traveling in September 2012. That is the target date. I am happy, and I am content.

People say you cannot live like this forever. They say I am living in limbo. No secure, full-time job. No secure relationship with a man. No secure home, traveling all the time. I like it like that. And I do not understand who made up the rule that a 35 year old cannot live the way I am living right now at 27? What kind of a rule is that? Why is that rule in place? It doesn’t make any sense, and therefore, I shan’t conform to it.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Categories : Life

Rain makes me contemplative and lazy

20 04 2011

Rain is pretty as long as you are inside your cozy house, looking out at it. Snow is pretty either way if you are in it or out of it, but Rain I feel is only pretty from a distance. When I was a kid, I loved playing in the rain, and getting sick afterwards was just an added bonus. But one of the bad things about becoming an adult, is that I have lost my love of playing in the rain. Also, rain back home was warm, and sweet. It didn’t hit your face like hail pellets, and hurt you with its iciness. Rain back home felt like a warm shower, it soothed the soul. I cannot imagine feeling all warm inside after a cold Canadian shower.

I have realized that I am the kind of person who is very principled in the way, that I see the world as black and white in certain ways. I see that people should be accountable to what their responsibilities are, and they should take care of their responsibilities to the best of their efforts. If they do not, then they shouldn’t be allowed those roles anymore.

Also, I realized after all of that hoopla about not applying outside of Toronto, or not applying to the government, in moments of dire need, read not having a full-time job for a year, I have done both. I have broken my principles. I guess, they weren’t very strong after all. I just applied to Customs where I used to work before and to Oakville, an area where I would never want to work, but I might have to, because Torontonians aren’t hiring.

I am the kind of person who doesn’t have a really hard time being liked. I mean, I am liked everywhere I go. Easily. I just have to flash my smile and doors open. So when I encounter people who do not like me, I find it a mystery. How can you not like me? Of course, now I have realized, the world is a big place, and filled with people who will not like you and will try to make your life miserable, but in the beginning, it was hard to accept that not everyone thought I was a lovable teddy bear.

A boy can change my moods in an instant. I would be brooding and miserable because of the cold and then I get a text message from a cute boy and I am a bumbling bundle of joy. My smile could pierce a balloon, and my giggles could pierce your eardrums. I am cheery, I am happy, nothing could bring me down. What is that about? OF course, it has to be a boy I like, not just a random guy texting me to get my attention.

My mother is a critical person, I have realized. It took me this long to realize it and even longer to say it out loud, because I love her. Also, because she’s sneaky in the way she criticizes, she makes it a joke, she laughs it off, she endears yourself to you. So you miss the fact that you have just been called an oaf.

Dancing makes me happy, House music makes me happy. I have known that fact for a while, why am I not taking dance lessons? One hour of guaranteed happiness a week is definitely something everyone needs in their life. What do you say?

Thanks for sharing in my random rainy day thoughts collection.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
Categories : Family, random

Accomplishments over the past year

18 04 2011

Okay, I have some thoughts to share with the universe and with my readers of course. I’m really happy with the way some of the thoughts I have been putting out in the universe have been received. They are getting accolades and that makes me very happy indeed. I just realized that I will be reaching the one year anniversary of my return from my trip abroad at the end of the month, April 26th. It is crazy how fast time has passed. It feels like just yesterday that I was on a beach in Goa with Ritz, just chilling and getting burnt. And now its been a year since that event, more than a year, and yet, it feels like moments have passed.

I was thinking about last year, and what I have accomplished in that year, and I feel proud of myself. I have managed to put in almost 15k into my loan repayment, without actually having a full-time job, which in itself is an amazing accomplishment, I must say. I have this feeling inside of me, oh, I cannot pay off my loans, unless I have a full-time job. That is a stupid feeling, a weird feeling, an unnecessary feeling, and that is the reason, I do not believe in it anymore. I do not need to have a full-time job or a high-paying job to pay off my debts. I am doing great the way I am going at it right now. In one more year, I should be almost at the end of the debt-paying journey, which is kind of a feat, I believe with a server position part-time that too.

I have made some great new friends, Carly, Michelle, Zina, Tom, Anna, and I have made friends with a politician in my backyard which is nice. I have learned a lot about politics and gotten involved in my community. I have read at least a hundred books in the past year. I have gone out a great deal and partied it up in my twenties, as I wished it to be. I have been going to yoga since I came back from my trip, so I have been going to yoga constantly without any breaks for about a year. I have taken a bartending lesson, which helped me with my getting a physical, movement job. I have been spending more time with my family and loved ones, which is nice.

I have been using cash only for the past six months, and using my credit cards only for rare online purchases.  The cash is king idea is so helpful to people in debt. It has helped cut down my spending by 80%. I feel uncomfortable now putting anything on my credit or debit card. I use only cash that I have on me. I don’t even carry my cards with me anymore, they sit at home in my purse. I have cut down on my personal belongings. I have given away all the clothes I do not use, and I have cut down my cosmetic jewelery garbage by giving that away to a craftsperson. My life feels less cluttered, in every way possible. I have cut down as well on the number of activities that I say yes to. If I feel too overwhelmed I just say no. I do not try to do everything.

I have finished writing my first book about my travels abroad. I have grown my hair so it looks nice. I am in the best shape of my life with yoga and eating healthy. I am learning more about where my food comes from to figure out whats in it. I have been using fewer chemicals in my home and body, less product, and less cosmetics. More natural. The only product I really use is eyeliner. I use a natural eye cream, cocoa butter for my body lotion, aveeno naturals for my face morning and night, and lipbalm. I use natural coconut oil for my hair to make it soft and condition it.

Looking back, I feel good about this year and what I have accomplished in it.  Onto the next year and a lot more good stuff to come.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
Categories : Fitness, Food, Life, Money, Reading, Relationship, Travel, Universe, work, Writing

Yoga teacher training

19 03 2011

I have been in a uplifted happy mood for the past few days. I do not know what it is, but my buoyancy is affecting other people as well. When you are happy from the inside, other people feel that happiness, that joy, and they wish to connect with it as well. It makes me happy to spread the joy around. But I have to be careful not to give away too much of my energy out. That is something that is a caution to everyone who works around the public in customer service, where you have to be around negative energy as well as positive. Feeding off of the positive and letting the negative energies bounce off you is the key.

As you know I have been planning to take a yoga teacher training course from a really amazing studio in Concord, Ontario. I love the studio, the energy of the place, the rhythms, they are all so peaceful and calming. Whenever I lay my head down on my mat, at the studio, I feel a serenity seep through my body. I was planning to take the course coming up in the next weekend, but now I am thinking I am going to postpone it to September. First of all, I want to work like a dog in the summer at my server job and pay off at least 10k of my loan, and save up enough for the training so I am not scrambling each month to pay off the $1000 installment. I was thinking about it all night long, and I really like the new plan better. It works much better with the way my life is going. It doesn’t mean that I am not going to take the course at all, it just means, that I am not there yet. I need a few more months to prepare myself financially and physically as well.

Everything happens for a reason I believe, and finally, with this new job, I am feeling a sense of security and happiness. I feel less anxious about money and I feel happier about my job. I do not feel stressed by it, and I am able to leave it behind when I leave, knowing that I did a good job. I feel no sense of shame about doing a job that damages the environment or anything like that. Everyone needs to eat, and if they are going to eat outside, our restaurant does a good job of feeding them a meal that is reasonably healthy. Healthier than most restaurants. I like the people I work with. I do not dread going into work, because the management is nice and they take care of their employees.

My parents of course do not like the fact that I work such a job, but they usually ignore everything that has to do with happiness and only look at money and what other people might think. That is something I choose to ignore. People will talk no matter what, let them talk about you, you are going to be laughing all the way to happiness.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , , ,
Categories : Family, Life, Money, work, Yoga

What face do I show

11 03 2011

I was coming out from a yoga class last night at ten p.m. I had had a good, but long day at work. My feet had been dying, they were hurting bad from the pointy shoes that I wear to look good and get more tips. But after the yoga class, it is as if I am transformed after every class. Seriously, it is as if I turn back the clock by going to do some yoga. My whole body feels rejuvenated. My skin feels great. My limbs feel limber. My body feels stronger. I don’t know what I would do without yoga. I also do not know what I did without yoga before. How did I survive? How did I get through the stresses on my mind and body?

I am glad though that I started doing yoga at such an early age. It means to me, that all of the toxic ravages of life and environment haven’t had that much time to accumulate in my body and that’s why I have less to turn back, less to return, less to remove. Little by little, I am moving my body back to the way it was when I was an infant, when I could touch my toes to my face without any effort, and lick my elbows without a problem. I am extremely content and happy every time I come out from a yoga class. It is hard to get there, after I have been sitting on a couch for a few minutes. Getting up from that comfortable, warm couch is hard. But as soon as I get to the mat, I feel like I have come home. My body instantly relaxes. All the tight muscles fade. My face relaxes, my mind calms down, my thoughts slow down, my pleasure centers fire up.

I came out of class yesterday and I do not remember what I was thinking of, but the owner of the studio pulled me aside, and asked me, Is everything alright? You look like something is bothering you.

I was stumped. Is that the face that I present to the world? Is that what the world sees when they see me, grumpy and occupied with thoughts? Even when I am happy as a bug? I replied in the negative and left with a smile, to reassure the guy, but in my car and on the drive home, I was wondering what people saw when they saw me.

Do they see a happy-go-lucky, optimistic person who’s looking to make a mark on this planet by her writing? I have to ensure that I keep myself in check when I am walking around, because even though on the inside I might be smiling, I might look forbidding to the people around me. That is not something that I wish to do.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Categories : Fitness, Life, work, Yoga

A nice day

4 03 2011

I fell asleep yesterday after a long, productive, tiring day thinking that it had been a nice day. A full day. A complete day. Made some money. Made some friends. Met some new people. Had a lot of physical exercise. Exercised the brain a little as well. Spent time with family. Watched a hilarious movie and had some belly-laughs. Fell asleep in a comfortable, warm home after a yummy, warm, filling meal.

It is the little things that matter, isn’t it? We try to complicate things and make it about other things. About world peace. About the end of the world predictions. But if each of us tried in our own little way to be happy from the inside. Not by buying cart-loads of useless items. If each of us were happy in our way, I’m sure the level of happiness in the world would increase immensely. Not only because we would inclined to help others who are less fortunate, which is something only people who are happy in their own right try to do. But also, because, like the author of Eat, Pray, Love says, the world is improved by one more person gaining their happiness. Every person’s happiness matters in the case of the happiness of the world.

Even if one person is unhappy or not doing well in your circle of friends, you will be affected by it. I read somewhere that if you are happy, you would affect your friends and your friend’s friends. But if you are unhappy, it affects your friends twenty deep, that is twenty times the effect. That is amazing to me. That means, that you might be blaming your circumstances, debt, or lack of partner, for your unhappiness. But it might just be due to someone in your circle being unhappy. With so many different things affecting you, from the suns and the moons, the tides and the planets, the friends and the family, the hormones and the food you eat, with everything affecting you, how could you possibly know why you feel the way you feel?

Maybe the best thing to do in every circumstance is just to make a resolution to be happy no matter what happens. You can always find something to be happy about. There’s always something happening in the world to make you unhappy, the unrest in Egypt, the apartheid in Israel, the environmental destruction everywhere. You can always find reason to be unhappy. But why not try the opposite? Why not begin with each day with the resolution to be happy?

I’m going to be happy, I am going to try and remain happy. I am going to find something, a ray of sunshine, a food item I love, or a dress I look gorgeous in, and I am going to use that happy moment to perpetuate my happiness. It might be an effort at first, but I’m sure you can always find ways to remain happy. When you are happy, happy things come to you. When you are grumpy, you can always find grumpy people to be around you.

I am going to try and be happy. Maybe you should try and do the same. Happiness and light to you.


Comments : 1 Comment »
Tags: , , , , ,
Categories : Life

Happiness

23 02 2011

Why is it so hard for me to admit even to myself that I am happy and content? Does it scare me that I can be content with so little? Is it that I know I should need more according to society, so I shouldn’t be happy with so little? Why am I so affected by what society thinks?

I am happy as I am. A lot of people I know thinks that being a Bollywood actress would be one of the best things on this planet, an easy life with lots of money, and dancing all the time. But whenever I see them, I see only shackles. I love the dancing part of it, cos I do love to dance, and I would like to be immortalized in my youth and beauty on some TV series or movie. But besides that, whenever I am walking around on a random street, with my random haphazard collection of clothes, which I think looks different and cool, I feel happy, extremely happy to be who I am. Happy to be walking around with no one bothering me, no one talking to me, being alone in my thoughts.

I feel happy with my position which isn’t considered really high up. A small position serving food to random people, meeting and seeing new people, interacting in different ways, and earning tips with instant gratification. It is small, it doesn’t change the world. It actually wouldn’t matter if I was there or not. But it makes me happy to make the bit of money that I do make, because the position itself doesn’t require a lot of my time, or energy. In addition, I am moving around all day that keeps me happy, as it takes care of my restlessness. Also, with the loads of time that is left over, I can do so many things, read tens of dozens of books, do a lot of yoga, spend time with family and friends, go dancing which I love, eat outside which I adore. All great things.

In addition, I am doing something that doesn’t make me feel like I am ruining the environment. Everyone has to eat, that is something they have to do. It isn’t something that will go into storage and never see the light of day. Maybe it would go turn into fat on the person’s body, but that is really something that will maybe prod them to do some physical activity.

I am also very happy to see how little money I can survive on each month, which makes me realize I don’t need a lot of it, in order to survive. I would just to work part-time really, and then the rest of the time, I would be able to follow my ideals and live the way I want to.

Other things that make me happy are cleaning out my closet and my room, and donating the items to Salvation Army. I am planning to cut down my closet by a garbage bag, so I would like to cut down my abundance of clothing. I am sure I have enough clothes to wear a different outfit every single day and still end up with some extra clothes. That is the problem. Another problem, of course, is that I usually wear the same outfit everyday, for days, without change. I don’t like to pay too much attention to my appearance. As long as I am clean, I am good in my opinion. I can go days without changing my outfit, as long as it smells and looks clean.

The same thing with shoes. I wear maybe two pairs of shoes every day and I own maybe  a 100 pairs. With my sister. We share them. But most of them are high heels that neither of us really wear much in the wintertime. My winter boots are the only thing that get used.

So happiness for me is easy. Of course, I have some moments of despair, but still on the whole, I am content.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , ,
Categories : Life

Progress

18 08 2009

Why does it matter to me that I was promoted while someone else wasn’t? I do not even want to stay with the company and I know that I do not deserve a promotion at all. I know the other person did a better job of everything than me. I know that I do not deserve the promotion at all.

Its like wanting something that you dont really want, but you want it because you know you cannot have it. I know that I would have gotten the promotion at the same time as the other person, but I know I would never have shown the same kind of committment to the job as that person. I would never have stayed that late (sometimes as late as 9pm from 9am), and I would never have shown that much passion.

I am practical enough to know, that if I do not deserve it, I do not deserve it. Thats just a fact of life.

Then why do I feel bad inside, deep deep inside? I just know that I should be feeling happiness for the person, and everything happens for a reason. The reason that I did not get the promotion is because I am working towards a different kind of future, without corporate work in it. I am working towards a different kind of life – with travel in it and vagabonding. I know that I am following my own path and that path does not have a set job in a corporation in it, and the path for the other person might be a job in a coroprate world. It doesn’t mean that his path is right or mine is right.

Both of us are following our own paths and we are both just looking for happiness. I’m happy for him, I am genuinely happy for him and I thank God, that I am doing what I am doing and I am working towards the kind of future that I want.

I can’t believe I am leaving either. I mean, it hasn’t hit me yet. It comes and goes. I feel scared at one moment that I am leaving and then I feel excited when I think about it some more, and then I forget about it for several hours at a time, and then suddenly it comes and hits me like a sledgehammer.

This emotional rollercoaster is a bit crazy, but I love it nevertheless. I cannot wait to leave and I cannot wait to begin the new journey, but I am definitely going to enjoy being in my current life, for the next two weeks while I am in it. That is a gift that I have been given, I have to make sure I use it as much as I can.

I am trying really hard to stay in the present moment and enjoy every single moment of my life. Which is the best thing that I can do.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , ,
Categories : Life, work


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.