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Toot Your Own Horn

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Old Jerusalem

Photo attributed to Thenix

There are times to be humble on this planet, and there are times when you should toot the hell out of your own horn. I find that as a female, I have been taught way too often to be humble. Don’t be cocky, or overconfident. Don’t talk too much about yourself. Don’t rock the boat. Do not try to be the center of attention. Do not be yourself.

There are a lot of don’ts there. Unfortunately, this kind of teaching causes us to step back out of the limelight when you should actually be dancing your way into the limelight, ensuring that as many people as you can manage know about it. I have a hard time with this. I recently wrote a book, and published it on Amazon – I haven’t told a lot of my friends about it, and if I do tell them, I am weird about it. Downplaying the achievement, saying things like, it was nothing, it is so easy to publish on Amazon, anyone could’ve done it. That isn’t the right way to do it in my opinion.

If you are spending the time and effort to do something, you should blast that message into space. Write it on all the bathroom walls you can find. Paste a sticker on your forehead saying that you are the greatest and awesomest. You are not being cocky or over-confident. You are letting people know what you have done. Why shouldn’t you do that? If you do not tell people what you have done, who will? Are you expecting that the goodness of your achievement will shine through and be publicized on its own?

Why don’t we dance like it’s 1969? Why don’t we dance like we are dancing in our living room? We are afraid of judgement. That makes sense. But we shouldn’t be worried about being judged when we have something to show to the world. We are not passive observers. We are the masters of our own destiny. We are here to move and shake the planet. We are the movers and shakers of tomorrow. Without our unique contribution, the world would be one times emptier. We are enhancing it. We are making it better. We are alive for a reason. We have a reason to be on this planet. Let us show it to the world. Toot your own horn, as loud as you can.

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Strip clubs

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Photo attributed to flickr user Lamerie

My girlfriends always berate me when I go to strip clubs with my guy and friends, because apparently, I am supporting an industry that degrades women and causes inequality in society. But of course this doesn’t extend to wearing short skirts, high heels, and making a fool of ourselves in male strip clubs.

I find that prostitution and strip clubs in general do not promote a skewed view of women, unless we as women let it happen. I have been friends with many women who worked as strippers to pay their university tabs, or mortgages off, and they found that this was one of the easiest ways to make a load of cash in the shortest amount of time. They deliberately chose this path, when they had degrees in finance or marketing, because working in those fields paid a miniscule fraction of the money they would make working in a strip club. A lot of them had normal side jobs, working as servers or tellers before this, but a little taste of the money that they made in this field, removed them completely from those ‘normal’ side jobs.

They were able to make enough money in a few years to make themselves self-sufficient and independent of any man on this planet. I didn’t think when I heard these stories that these women were lopsided in society in anyway. I would say, they were actually better off then some working women in society, as the working women didn’t make enough money to ever be self-sufficient or independent.

Of course, these are just few of the women that I knew, and they are just a fraction of the women who actually work in the industry. I just wanted to point out that there are two sides to every situation. We can’t just berate something or commend something without realizing there are those two sides.

Do you frequent strip clubs? What do you think of them and the women who work in them?

What happens as you get older?

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Photo attributed to flickr user Fitz C.

I find that I have been surrounded by a lot of people in their 50s and 60s in the past few weeks, as I have family over from India, and family friends over from Qatar. They are all amazing individuals who have worked hard to do the things they need to do, to get their children the best education and easiest lifestyle possible. They are the typical hardworking Indian parents. They put their children first and themselves even below last.

I have been thinking about this for the past two or three weeks since they started staying with us. I noticed how they never smile, and how their body language indicates defeat. Their shoulders are drooping downwards and forwards, and they are hunched over themselves, as if they were trying to protect themselves. I was wondering to myself, is this what people look forward to? Is this why people work so hard all of their lives, so they can enjoy the benefits of it never? So they can mangled in their old age, and be too tired to do anything fun?

Do older people get this way because of broken dreams and dashed hopes? Is it because they haven’t fulfilled their dreams from days gone by? Or were they hoping for a different life that never came? Is this what we all have to look forward to?

I know this post seems depressing, but I think it is extremely important to learn from the people around you. And I am choosing to take the lessons from their lives, and resolve not to repeat the mistakes. I have to resolve to follow my dreams, and my path, and not falter. That is the key in my mind. It is when people give up on their dreams in the moment, to do something and postpone that dream to the far-away future, I think that’s when people start losing hope in life.

If you do not have your dreams, you have nothing, in my opinion. You need the dreams in your life to keep on moving and dancing.

My Happy List

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Photo attributed to flickr user Ernst Vikne

My mum always laments about the fact that I am not driven enough. If I were driven enough, she says, I would want more, a bigger house, a bigger paycheque, a more expensive car, more expensive clothes, and if I wanted all of these things, I would be willing to work harder at work, work longer hours at work, in order to get them.

Unfortunately, I am lazy. Or I don’t care. Or I am happy with very little. I am not driven enough. I would rather work little, and travel a lot. I would rather spend my money on amazing meals, than amazing purses. I would rather save up for a new trip, than for a new car.

In the beginning I wondered why I am like this. What made me turn out to be such a weirdo? Eventually I gave up on answering that question, and focused on the main question in life. What makes me happy? What are the few things on this planet, this swirling, blue ball, that make me happy? I found that the things that make me happy are easy to do, and usually free. I made a list below.

  1. People watching
  2. Good food
  3. Cooking a good meal for someone else
  4. Dancing
  5. Good electronic music
  6. Music festivals
  7. Pretty shoes
  8. Long beautiful hair on a stranger
  9. Beauty in general in strangers or friends
  10. Exercise, specifically Hot Yoga
  11. Being fit
  12. Travelling!
  13. Backpacking/Hosteling
  14. Summer
  15. Sun
  16. Beach
  17. Water in any shape or form
  18. Newly waxed arms and legs
  19. A pretty summer dress
  20. Wedges
  21. Meditation
  22. My beautiful siblings
  23. Love
  24. Food (did I mention this one already?)
  25. Good sex
  26. Vanilla Rooibos Tea
  27. A good chug of water
  28. Clothing swaps
  29. Getting a bargain on something
  30. Books
  31. Reading in general
  32. My Amazon Kindle
  33. Time with friends

What is on your Happy List? Let me know below.

Dancing through the wind

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I love to dance. I absolutely love it. I mean, moving in any way is appealing to me. I like it. I love it. I want to be dancing all of my life away.

Some would say I am a dreamer.

It’s like that quote from John Lennon – “When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”

I want to be a dancer. That is what I want to be. Not professionally in any way, because I find that too restrictive. I just want to be a dancer in the daily sense of the word. I want to dance the days away. Dancing doesn’t only mean going to a club and boogeying to a great beat, or participating in a ballroom dancing competition. Dancing means to me moving gracefully, ethereally, through the wind. Moving through the world with a sense of participation. Participating in life in general. Being present in the moment.

Dancing in the wind.

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one.”

― John Lennon

Dancing

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If you knew me in real life, you would realize that I am a real freak, but on top of that, you would realize that I LOVE to dance. Absolutely love! I would dance everyday of the week, in random places, in random ways, if I could. But I do not do that. I do that in a civilized way at a club like the people of my generation. We get dressed up and we go dancing in an assigned location, with other people who either love to dance as well, or are really, really inebriated, so they dont really care that they are actually moving their bodies inappropriately in front of hundreds of people. Thats one of the fun parts of dancing as well, you get to see a lot of real-life slapstick comedy right in front of you. And if you do not drink, then you can actually enjoy it, cos’ you will be sober enough to appreciate all the comedy thats unfolding around you.

I also look younger for my age, at least 5 years younger, which is really great, if you think about it, I really shouldn’t complain about it, cos I will miss that when I’m older. But it does result in guys who are 5 years younger than me, hitting on me, and guys who are my age, think I’m too young for them. That causes a bit of a problem. A big problem. Right now, I like younger guys, because they are funner, they like to dance, they like to party, which is fine with me, but I will eventually need to find a man who’s going to be my age, and interested in more than a fun night. Sure, I wont find my dream man in a club in the middle of nowhere, but still, its just an example of what happens in the bigger spectrum of my life, outside the club.

It is really hard for people to impress me, which is horrible, considering why should people have to impress me, I’m nobody, no one should have to impress me. But it makes sense, because if you look at it from the other end, people are always really impressed by me, the minute they meet me and have a short conversation with me. It is kind of crazy, I will be thinking, I haven’t done anything with my life, what are you impressed by? But why to sell myself short, thats what I do, and I’m trying to get away from that.

In the end, I just want to say I love to dance, and even if my friends, my age, think they are too old to go out dancing, and they would rather sit in a bar or at home and drink until they are shitfaced and go sleep, I think I would rather keep on dancing until I can, until I no longer can. I love it and I am sticking to it. I just need to find some dance partners. Hmm.