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Monthly Archives: May 2011

Feeling the blues

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I am feeling blue. Extremely sad. The weather outside is thunder and lightning. And it is the same inside of me. I am feeling hopeless today, hopeless about the future, and I am never like that. I am the most optimistic person on the planet. But I feel sad today. Sad with the way things are going. I am not happy at the moment. I am not controlling the sadness, I am letting the tears flow. I do not want to pretend to be happy. I want to feel what I am feeling.

I have noticed that I am so much more sensitive to my body and its moods, the more yoga I do. I don’t know what it is about yoga. But I feel every emotion so much more sharply than I did before. I am more in tune with myself, my hormones, my moods. And of course, feeling all the emotions works well when I am up, but when I am down, it just means I am really down. I am blue in the bluest sense of the word. I can’t help it. I cannot get myself going when I am in one of those sad moods. I don’t feel like going to yoga, or eating or reading, three of my favorite things in the world. IF I saw stop doing any of these three, you know I am dead. Dead inside or going to that state very soon. It is something at the core of me. I need to do the three, eat, read, and yoga.

Of course, being rejected by every man alive after they get to know me after three dates doesn’t help the situation. I feel blue because I don’t understand why they wouldn’t want to be with me. I am a cool person. I am intelligent, beautiful and in great yoga shape. I can hold a conversation, I am independent, I do not need to be taken care of and I am classy. Why doesn’t anyone want to be with me? I drive men away. I do not know what I do but I drive them away somehow. And that makes me sad.

And of course being at home is great, but the travel bug is inside of me, it doesn’t refuse to let go. I want to go traveling as soon as possible. I am working hard at saving, but still the time when I can go is still so far.

Writing it down in this journal style format helps a lot. I feel a thousand times better after I tell the universe, I am blue. Its therapeutic, and I feel like I am being heard. Thank you for listening to me be blue. Hope you are feeling better on this rainy night.

 

Chivalry is dead

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I know what you are thinking. What a cliche term and title! Doesn’t she know that we have known about this forever? Yes, I know. I know. I am being naive if I think that men who open doors or pay for the first date or compliment you on your dress are dead and long gone. But I had hope that there are at least some men on this planet who know how to treat a lady. But I got a rude awakening yesterday when I went on the most horrible date in my life. It started alright, with the guy coming to pick me up. Great, I thought, he knows how to treat a girl. And then it went downhill. He was a bit stupid or slow, whatever it was, he didn’t do anything except smile a stupid smile and answer the questions that I could think of.

It became my responsibility to get the conversation going and keeping it kindling. Ughers! He would only repeat the questions I asked him back to me, as if that was a great feat. And then we got to the restaurant and we wanted to make sure it was open. He didn’t volunteer to go and check in the rain that was pouring on our head. No, I had to go check if the door was open. Dumbass! And then when it came to pay the bill, he didn’t grab it right away. It just sat there sitting in the middle of us. Finally, tired of this whole night, I grabbed it and paid it to get it over with.

What a crappy date! I am over it. I am done with it. Done with dating for a little bit. I have met so many crappy men in the last few months, I am considering a vow of celibacy so I never have to deal with them ever again.

Out of sorts

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I feel out of sorts today. That is exactly the phrase that describes me today. I can’t think of a better way to say it. Out of Sorts. Capital S emphasis. I got some amazing books by a Scottish author, Alexander McCall Smith and I am trying to enjoy the book. It is a great book, but the enjoyment is kind of tainted by the fact that subconsciously I am waiting for a boy to call. There are others, five others who would gladly go out with me tonight or any other night,  not being egotistical or anything, but judging by the texts I get from them, Shawn, Aman, Igor, Kamal, Hans. They text me incessantly but the only person I am interested in, doesn’t text me back or call me, or want to meet up with me. Perhaps he is busy, perhaps he is uninterested. Who knows, but it is the waiting that I despise. It is the waiting on tenterhooks, even while you try to pass the time, pretending not to care, pretending it doesn’t matter if he calls or doesn’t call.

Of course, my friends all hate him already. They say, a girl should never call. It is the guy’s responsibility to call. A girl should be desired, lusted after, she shouldn’t show lust. Now I don’t know if this is old-fashioned thinking some how, but it feels like it to me. We are in the twenty-first century now, or aren’t we? Are girls still pretending to play hard to get? Are we supposed to hide our emotions and our desire for the man? Pretend we are just emotionless sexless nothings? It is extremely hard for me to do that.

First of all, my sex drive is off the wall. I love it absolutely love it. I can’t wait to do it everyday of every week of every year. Finally I have found a guy who I am sexually attracted to as well as emotionally attracted to. And he doesn’t call. The dumb bugger doesn’t know what he’s missing out on, at least in my opinion.

SO I sit here feeling out of sorts, and wondering when he’s going to call. Pathetic! I hate that. Anyway, don’t let me keep you guys from getting on with your lives. While I sit here in the past.

Team Buy

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You must have noticed the influx of the different companies that give you coupons on several different activities in the city. For example, they have 50% off on manicures and pedicures. Or 77% off on some Mexican food. There are many different items you can get a discount on. I wonder if it is beneficial for the companies to give such huge discounts on their products. Will it result in them getting a lot of business in return?

I was looking at one of the offers, and it said, 99% on $22000 worth of unlimited laser hair removal for one year. You would pay 200$ for the year, for unlimited hair removal. I couldn’t believe that could be profitable for the company at all. I mean, what would they get for it? That is too much of a discount. It is so cheap that it almost seems like a scam to me. Of course, I am not much of an expert on these things, but why would anyone discount one year’s worth of hair removal by 99%? That seems just too much. Absolutely too much.

I bought one of those packages for a spa day out for myself for $49, full body wrap, full body massage and facial. I couldn’t resist. Getting ready for the summer would be so much easier, when you have your legs and arms waxed and a full body exfoliation done. I cannot wait to feel how my skin would look when all of the waxing and exfoliation is done. I would probably be able to show off my legs without any problems. I would probably have a hide time hiding them when they are all pretty like that.

Obviously, preparation for the summer takes much more for the ladies than for the men. I don’t think they really actually even prepare their bodies for it. They just prepare the barbeque grill and their cars for it, I think.

How are you preparing for the summer? Let me know…

Sleepy

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I’m so sleepy right now. I think sometimes that in my twenties I should go out every weekend as much as I can, dance my ass off, while I still have a great ass. Anyway, I was supposed to go to This is London nightclub, but the truth of the matter is that I hate that club. Most clubs are pretentious and snobby, but this club takes it to a whole new level. There is no getting in there without a guest list, as there are so many people who want to get in there. The cover is $20, which is extremely high in my opinion. We are going to be spending money in there on alcohol, why charge us an exorbitant amount to get in?

The people who come to this club are beautiful, skinny, well-dressed and ready for a good time. I have gone there and gotten the numbers of several guys out of which three actually texted me the next day, weirdly enough. Still, I do not like this club. I do not feel like going back there tonight. I will be going on my own, as the rest of the people who are coming are already downtown drinking it up. I hate standing in lineups in Toronto on my own, I do not mind doing that in random places like Bangkok, where I have no choice, but here it seems dire. I will be dancing with random people and making friends which I do not mind, but today it just seems a tiring choice. I would rather just go to sleep.

It was such a beautiful day today. Gorgeous, sunny and bright. I spent all of the day outside getting my Vitamin D on my porch swing, and I was so lazy. I did nothing. I mean nothing. I couldn’t even move a muscle. I just laid down, and was languid.

I just wanted to share with you what I am going to do on my long weekend. Which is a big nothing. Really, I got nothing planned. Is that sad? I am not sad at the thought of doing nothing, isn’t that weird? Before I would be unhappy if I had a weekend with nothing planned, I had to have something to do every weekend otherwise I felt useless, old, boring. Now, I am happy with the inactivity. I work tomorrow for a few hours, we have a family gathering tomorrow night, and Monday I do some chores, sit at home, spend time with family.

I hope you have a great long weekend. Happy May 24! Cheers!

What I say…

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and what I actually think are two different things. I am so good at hiding my emotions and presenting a cool, composed face to the world, that I have started deceiving myself as well. I didn’t believe that was possible. I felt like I was being honest with myself at least, even if I wasn’t being honest with the rest of the world, at least I could say that I am being honest with myself. But that went out the window when I realized that I wasn’t being honest with anyone, not even the higher powers that be.

I lied to myself about the fact that I am happy with my current situation. I am not happy with my current situation. Or am I? I am so confused! Am I letting the world dictate what I want or am I letting the realities of the world, money and that situation dictate what I want? I have no idea, I am so confused. I had convinced myself that I do not need a lot of money, that I am happy doing a part-time job, eventually get a second job as a yoga instructor as well, make enough money that way to support myself, and travel around the world as well. Then my family asked me if I am doing this traveling business to get away from the family, or to actually see the world. If I just want to get away from the family then I should just move out. But I am not traveling to get away from the family.

Another point that came up was that it would be hard for me to support myself every time I came back home from one of those year long trips, if I had no back up plan. I mean, would I go back to being a server and yoga instructor at 35? How would I support myself? That is a very valid point and that is something that I have thought about. I need to think creatively about that situation. How will I do it that I can travel for six months of the year and work for six months of the year? Maybe as a teacher? Teaching English or something? Construction is seasonal. Landscaping is seasonal. I need to find a job that is seasonal. Being a bartender would work out as well? I just have to get more experience in it. I have been doing it for about six months, I need six more months of experience in it. I want to work in a club Friday and Saturday night, so I can save up for the trip.

Again I am confused…what should I do to get some clarity?

Confused about the future

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I was looking at some of the things I wanted to do some time in the future and I am absolutely confused. I have no idea. I was thinking I want to start the yoga instructor course in September, which goes on until December. I was thinking if I do not get a marketing position, I will go on to teach English in Korea, which will get in some money coming, enough hopefully to pay off the loan each month and live in Korea each month. I wonder if it will be enough. But this is just a telephone interview. Nothing certain. No big deal.

Yesterday I am chatting with one of my really close friends and he said, Maybe you don’t really want a job, you say you are applying and all that, but maybe deep down inside you don’t really want one. Am I turning into one of those girls who wants to get married and become a housewife? No, I don’t think that’s it. But I really think he has got a point there. I do not have a job, because I have been sabotaging all my efforts. That is why I am not applying this week, because I do not feel like applying at all.

But I have been in a weird mood for the past few days. I do not feel like eating. I only eat because I need to, in order not to collapse. I do not feel like reading. Nothing really appeals to me. All I want to do is wait for some particular person’s phone call. Why is that? Why after giving advice of not getting attached, am I getting attached to a person who is obviously just playing with my heartstrings? Oh, the questions we could ask ourselves, and the questions that will never get answered.

I was also told that I always get attracted to the workaholics in my life. I realized that a few days ago as well. Every guy I have been seriously attracted to is always a workaholic. Unavailable emotionally, and unavailable physically. What the hell? I mean, I promised myself I would never date or marry a workaholic, but voila, here I am. But could it be that everyone on this planet is a workaholic? Maybe that is the snag that I haven’t thought about. Interesting point.

I think it is going to be busy at work today, so that is why I am conserving my energies and resting at home. I might go out dancing tonight, even though I don’t feel like it. I have to go out and get out again. I mean, that is the point of being young, and being in the season of summer. The sun’s hot, the dresses are cool, I am hip and young, it is time to enjoy it.

Hopelessness

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I don’t even know if Hopelessness is a word, but it is what would be used to describe me in my job search efforts. After a year of not getting a job, of going to countless interviews and being rejected at the most crucial endpoint, I am feeling glum. I am hopeful about everything else in my life, my health is great due to yoga, touchwood. My finances touchwood are chugging along, touchwood. My family and friends relationships are great, touchwood. I am dating a lot and meeting new people, touchwood. I would like something more to happen with Mr. Construction guy, but at least it hasn’t completely fizzled out. He’s just extremely busy. But the fact of the matter is that if he really liked me, maybe he would find the time to see me? Who knows. I am still giving him the benefit of the doubt.

As you can see, everything else is chugging along, you might wonder why do you need a full-time job. Well, I can’t work as a server all my life. I need something else. A vocation, something that brings me joy and allows me fulfillment. I like being a server at the moment, but eventually I will need to find something else.

Why isn’t my job search successful? It can’t just be the job market? Can it? I guess all I can do is not lose hope, keep on plodding along, keep on applying to jobs and something should click. Lets cross our fingers and hope for a job.

Need for speed

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Yesterday, standing in the pouring rain, no ballads or love songs poured forth from my lips. Instead, all I could think of was, ‘I wish I had a car. I wish I still had my car. I wish I had any car. I wish I had a car.’ The rain had soaked my ballet flats, totally inappropriate footwear for the rain. My dress wasn’t soaked, but it was cold in it. I was cold, hungry, in the middle of nowhere, at a bus stop, waiting for a bus that never seemed to come. I was miserable and suddenly, doing good for the environment seemed a tad bit too much. I felt put upon and I wanted luxury. I wanted a big ass car with heated seats, and a glorious heater, which would warm my frozen feet and head. I wanted to loot from Mother Nature hundreds of metals and petroleum, so I could build myself a glorious machine which would take me from point A to point B, without any contact with the dangerous elements of Canada.

Of course, most days when the weather is cold, but acceptable, I am fine with my fate of taking the bus. Only on days when I dress inappropriately for the weather, and then get stuck in the middle of the night with no transport, do I curse the fates.

I guess environmentalism in my world only goes as far as I am comfortable and warm. :(

Car accident

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I was in a car accident on Friday night. They are always very horrible, although this one was very subtle. Just a little ping from the universe. I was in the car waiting on a red light to change to turn left. I was just sitting there merrily enough, looking forward to seeing THE guy again. I hadn’t seen him in two weeks, and I guess, the universe really, really didn’t want me to see him again, so BOOM! I am sitting there and a car turning right into the lane next to me, crashes into the front of my car. I am stunned for a second. I mean, absolutely stunned. I didn’t even do anything.

I was fine. I was unhurt. Suddenly, emotions came spiraling out. I was indignant. What the hell! I was looking forward to this rendezvous. I shaved my armpits and other unmentionable places for this damn date. Why did this have to happen? I roll down my window and see this random seventeen-year old with sunglasses on and a button that says, ‘Kiss me, it’s my birthday!’ walk up to me, and ask me if I am fine. I reply, yes and he wants to move the cars.

Absolutely not, I say, we have to wait for the cops to come. It is his fault and I do not want to pay for the damage from what I could see was substantial to my car. Two seconds later, a cop car that was patrolling the area, stops by my car, and asks me what’s going on. I tell him, he tells us to pull into the parking lot nearby and the investigation begins. And ends as soon as it begins. It is obvious the little one had been drinking, on top of which, he only had a learner’s permit, G1 license, on top of which, he wasn’t carrying the license on him, on top of which, he was wearing sunglasses which he said he needed for an eye condition, even at night, even during torrential rains, which were pouring on our heads. Conclusion: he was driving too fast under the influence. It was his fault and he would be charged.

The cops were really cute. So that kind of made my day. It wasn’t my fault. The insurance would pay so that made up a little bit more. I called the date, he was already out shooting pool with his friends, the minute he found out I wasn’t coming, he was off on his own adventure. How rude, and smart.

My parents weren’t very happy. It was my 4th car accident, out of which two weren’t my fault. They said, you attract the losers and the crazies. I didn’t disagree. My luck lately wasn’t really the greatest, I was hoping this was the last of the three, as the unlucky things comes in threes. Lets hope and see.

Why are you single? part 2

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Okay, occasionally I will look through the different tags people use to come on to my page, and one of my blog posts, the one on why am I still single, gets a lot of traffic. It kind of makes me sad to see there are so many people looking for a reason why they might be single. I’m sure most of them aren’t happy with their singledom, and want to change their facebook status to ‘In a relationship’, really, really badly.

I know why I am single. Partly because I am a little crazy. Not crazy enough to qualify for the sanatorium, but definitely crazy enough to get into relationships with men and get out due to incompatibility. I am possessive, jealous and I like to keep in touch. Nowadays, of course, I have learned from my previous mistakes, and I do not call the guy once a day, I will leave off chatting for weeks at a time, and a lot of guys like that. They like their privacy and I like mine. I do not add a guy to facebook if we are dating. That is just too much contact. I do not want to know what he’s doing every minute of every day. Most people have mundane lives, I do not need to be informed of that. I do not want to know about his previous relationships. I do not want presents or any tokens from him, that just complicates things. I do not chat on the phone. If we are going to have a conversation, it is going to be face-to-face in the real world, not online, not on BBM, not on MSN messenger, not on text.

Of course, these are just rules for the beginning of a relationship which is a really fragile stage. I do not want to spook the guy if I like him a lot, and most guys I have spoken to complain that girls nowadays are too clingy. They lose all perspective of themselves once they get into a relationship, they lose their life, they lose their identity, they just want to be in a relationship so badly they will change themselves to fit the guy’s ideal.

For example, a girlfriend of mine is changing her hair color to platinum blonde. She hates the color, she knows she’s going to look odd in it. But her boyfriend has this fantasy of being with a girl with platinum blonde hair. On the one hand, she’s smart, she’s keeping him by changing a little part of her identity. At least he will not be wandering. But on the other hand, she’s changing a major part of her identity, a girl’s hair is her identity, in a lot of cases.

Anyway, I’m sure I will have more to say on the subject soon. Let me know what you guys and gals think.

Your life is in your hands

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I have a confession to make. For the first time in my life, in my short, but eventful life, I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing with my life. There I said it. I have no idea. Of course, that means I am sitting here on my ass without a clue. What am I doing here? Seriously!

Of course it means that if I have no idea where I am going or coming from, my life is a blank slate. Nothing written on it, nothing to write home about, completely empty and ready to go. What am I going to do? I have no idea. I was so sure when I was in my late teens and in my early twenties. I was as sure of my path as the Dalai Lama. I knew I wanted to go to medical school and then I knew I want to start my own business, and then I knew I want to work in the corporate world, and then I knew I wanted to travel.

I knew at a lot of points in my life what I wanted to do, but I never really follow through with anything. Is that my problem? Perseverance? I still have a lot to analyze, a lot to think about. I know it is going to take a while and a lot of writing, but it will happen eventually.

Principles

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If you knew me personally, you would find that I am always harping on and on about my principles. I have principles and I will stick to them, by god. Sometimes I find that sticking to your principles too closely results in a problem as well. Of course, you shouldn’t be always jumping from thought to thought or from principle to principle. You shouldn’t let others sway your thinking, you shouldn’t change your thoughts depending on the sway of the the wind passing through your hair. But you should have enough flexibility built in that when you realize that your thinking is wrong, that your principles were built upon the wrong principle that you should be able to change over to a different viewpoint, without feeling like your world is falling apart.

That is what happened to me over the weekend. My world felt like it was falling apart. All my beliefs about myself fell apart. I fell apart. I was devastated. I have always believed I an an intelligent human being. If nothing else, I have my smarts. I might not be the smartest person in the room, but I am up there. I am quick. But I fell for an internet scam. I know! I was stupid. A friend recommended me to something, and I fell for it. Of course, that ‘friend’ is no longer to be found and I am out 2000 dollars.

It is so stupid, I cannot even bear to look at myself in the mirror. I have nothing left to look at. I am a shell, a nobody. I have nothing left to admire about myself. Nothing to be proud of. Of course, this too shall pass. But until then, I feel hollow, empty, distraught.

In a funk

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I am in a funk today. I woke up in a funk, after a long, beautiful night of sleep. I was grumpy from the get go. I was rude to everyone I met. I wasn’t a happy camper. I got to work, and it was dead. Nothing to do, I was bored and that didn’t help the funk. It made it worse. I was sent home early which wasn’t nice, but then I got to enjoy the beautiful sunshine which was extremely nice. I had an amazing nap at home, which was beautiful. I woke up feeling a little bit better, but still I am in a funk. I felt like going shopping, just mind-numbing shopping, which would make me feel temporarily better, but would be horrible for my finances in the long term. Then I decided to go to the library and get some new books maybe that would help with the funk. I got some great books, and decided to do something for myself. I got a haircut, just a little bit of a trim. Made me feel a little bit better, but not on top of the world happy that I had been for a few weeks a few weeks ago.

I wondered if it was something to do with the fact that a guy hadn’t called in two weeks. I haven’t seen him in two weeks, since Tuesday two weeks ago. Whatever. It doesn’t matter to me. OF course, it matters to me. I mean, what the hell? Nothing bad happened the last time we met, we actually enjoyed ourselves. So why hasn’t he called me? He said he is busy with a contract that is ending. Whatever, why don’t guys get it that all it takes to keep women happy is an occasional text confirming that they are still thinking of us. Ughers!

And I know I am in a funk because my period is coming up. Usually, a week before my period, I get cranky, depressed, sad. I hate it, but at least now I know why I am sad. What the reason for it is.

A funk I am in right now, but it should get better. A new summer day tomorrow. Looking forward to it.

Transformation…

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requires you to be willing to move past what is uncomfortable. This is what a friend of mine says. That is what I have been working at for the past few months. I want to figure out what makes me uncomfortable. What makes me uncomfortable?

1. Going to Bollywood auditions would definitely be one. It makes me uncomfortable because I feel like I am too old to be going to them, which is stupid. I am only in my twenties. It isn’t as if I want really high roles, I just want to be part of it, a little part of it. It is something I want to do on the side. I always find some excuse not to go. I have to start going without being such a douchebag about it.

2. Teaching a class full of people yoga would fall into one of those maybe. I am taking the course, but I will have to get over that fear to teach the class. But I wont know until I try in June.

What else??

Applying for jobs

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I have been applying for jobs in the Marketing field for about a year now. Since last May, I have consistently sent out my resume to thousands of companies, hoping to hear back from them. And I have been lucky enough to hear back from at least a dozen of them. I have even been lucky enough to reach the final three contestants on their interview game show. But I have always been one of the three that have been rejected for not being qualified enough or for being too qualified, or for whatever else reason they could make up.

That really sucks, doesn’t it? I mean, its all fine and dandy if I don’t get called in for an interview. I don’t actually feel the pain of rejection as badly. But when I get called in for an interview, I get to the final stage of the interview process, I am the very last ones out of hundreds they pick out, and then I get the boot, that hurts, that really, really hurts. It hurts where it counts most, in the self-esteem booty. It hurts even more when you see the person they chose over you. You look at that person and you look at them and you have this look on your face. Seriously? Seriously, you chose that loser over me. I can’t believe it.

Of course, at that point, you want to pull out the race card. Is it because I am a minority? Is it? Well, is it? You will never know obviously, even though non-minority individuals get selected over you every single time. You could blame it on the race card, or you could blame it on the fact that you left the last company you worked at after only one year and went to travel for a year. Maybe that could have something to do with it? What do you guys think?

Going on bad dates

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Every girl who has been dating a while has bad date stories. You know those stories – I went out with a guy and he left me at the bar because he got drunk and got upset when I refused to make out with him. And so on. Is that a necessity? Going on a lot of bad dates could tell you when you have a really good date that the guy is a keeper.

But what if you have a great date, you have so much fun with the man, and he doesn’t feel the same way. He doesn’t call you back. Or he does call you, but owing to the fact that he’s a workaholic, he doesn’t really call you very often. You might hear from him once a week, and then pine for him the rest of the week, hoping that the next text message or phone call might be from him. Of course it never is. But when it is, it is the sweetest text message in the world.

I have been told that men do not think that sending an ‘I’m still alive and thinking of you’ text message in between the long periods of silence is necessary. Why is that? Why wouldn’t I be happy to receive a text message from a guy in between our rare meetings? I would be happy to know that first of all he’s thinking of me, and second of all, he’s thinking of me.

That is all I really want to know. Is he thinking about me? When every thought that goes through my thick skull is about him, his smile, his shoulders, his pretty face. Every waking and dreaming thought is about him, until I refuse to think anymore. If you cannot think, you cannot think about him. Does he think the same way? Or do I pass through his mind only on the day that he actually calls me to set up a ‘hook-up’ as they like to call it?

I have hope. I am a hopeful person. I am too hopeful in some respects. But I know I might be carrying too much hope that this guy might actually care about me, and want a real relationship instead of just some fun nights.

Lets see what the future holds for us.

Finding balance

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I love my parents. I really do. Being in a nuclear family away from all of our extended family in India, living in the Middle East, I am close to my parents, extremely close to my siblings. I love them, but I cannot be the daughter they wish for me to be. I was hoping to have a balance of things, do all the things I wish to do in my heart, and still make sure that they are happy with my choices, but that balance is not to be. It is hard finding balance in life, it is hard enough without the external pressures that are constantly intruding upon you from your parents, family, friends, colleagues, media, role models, universe.

I want to live a different life. I find marriage to be such an antiquated boring way of living life. Of course, my parents have an argument for that. Right now you are young and hot, you are fine. As soon as you are old and ugly, no one will want you and then it will be hard for you to find a partner. Then, you will regret not finding someone then.

I find the modern view of success to be harmful to everyone around, environment, universe, self and family. My parents feel the only way I will ever find happiness, or be able to help the other poor souls on this planet is by becoming successful. My father says, you cannot help others, if you need help yourself. If you are poor, who are you going to help? The best way to help others is by becoming a millionaire, and then giving away your wealth, like Bill Gates is doing.

I believe the environment needs help right now. There is waiting, there is no debating whether global warming is happening or not, there is no later. Right now is when we need to start working on helping Mother Earth. My parents, especially my father, doesn’t see anything wrong with the way we treat the environment. He believes technology will always find an answer. There is nothing technology cannot do, he says proudly.

As you can see from the examples above, we are from opposite viewpoints. It is hard finding a balance, finding a meeting point, when we are so far apart in space, we can barely see each other.

I do not want to lose my relationship with my parents. They are important to me. But at the same time, I refuse, refuse, refuse to bend the way I want to live my life to their way, so I can keep our relationship intact. I refuse! I am going to live the way I want, without fear of criticism. I refuse to relent to pressure.