I just had to add it here – I love Broken Bells – the High Road. It is a great song. Absolutely lovely. It makes my heart sing, which is nice. I hope everyone’s heard it. If not, here’s a link for it – Broken Bells on Grooveshark.
Btw, I love Grooveshark as well, its a great way of listening to music, when you do not want to download right away, just want to listen from your computer.
I have to tell you something. I am getting more and more done everyday even though I am not working. I wonder to myself, when will I do all the things that I do right now, when I do have a job. Meaning, where will I fit in a job in all the different activities that have to be done in a day? My day nowadays begins with some journaling, I try to write 3 pages a day, just to get all of that garbage that is just sitting in your head onto paper, its like verbal diarrhea, I guess. Just spew it all out, and then it won’t mess up with your emotions or thoughts during the day. After that I get rid of all the garbage thats in my body, by having a nice cleansing time in the washroom. Brush, rinse, moisturize, and I’m ready to get on with the day. I eat some heavy breakfast, usually some grains, some meat and some vegetables. 1/3 each. And then I read all the different books that I have borrowed from the library, I go online and apply to some jobs, hoping someone will call me back, I go to a hot yoga or spinning session either in the afternoon or the evening depending on the rest of the day. Then, I cook something or I go grocery shopping. I clean, vaccuum, I wash clothes, I wash dishes, I catch up with friends on FB, and I catch with my siblings in the evening when they are both home. After all of that, I’m absolutely pooped. I could not possibly do another thing and I drop into deep dream-filled sleep, with dreams that I usually remember.
I do not know how my mother does it. I have no idea, how she balances 2 full time jobs, with a full time job of keeping the house going. No wonder she gets frustrated when we do not help around the house, or sit around like lazy bums. I feel though that when I’m working outside the house, I am so pooped from that, its virtually impossible to contribute in the house, and vice versa. I am not and cannot be superwoman, who does the house work and does the job, doing a great job at both. Yikes! How do they do it? They really need to saluted these superwomen, they need to be admired, and emulated, and loved. I realize how much I really love my mother, how much she really does for us, and how unnoticed it all goes. I resolve to notice her more, help her more, and not let her think that we think she is one of those invisible elves that works at night time without anyone noticing. Cheers!
I was in my spinning class, working hard as usual, wondering why those girls who had come to just make googly-eyes at the men in the weight room right outside the spinning studio even bothered to make a pretense of coming inside the studio. Couldn’t they flirt more easily when they were outside and in closer contact? At least they wouldn’t be taking up the space of someone else who was more interested in spinning rather than flirting. I looked a mess as usual. My hair which is too short to tie up, refuses to behave at any time, even more so now that its short, and I can’t use a headband, cos then it sticks up in all directions. So I leave it open, which means it gets sweaty, and it comes in my eyes, two things that I despise. I was contemplating all of this, while working hard on what the instructor said, should be my ‘hardest hill ever’. It was hard dammit, and I was trying. He knew I was a regular, and expected more from me. He would keep on mimicking increasing the resistance whenever I would make a mistake of looking at him. And my personality being that I can’t refuse a challenge, I would do so and then push hard, harder than ever.
I noticed a gentleman in the back, who looked a bit funny. He was buck-toothed, and he had glasses, and a really bright orange t-shirt. I was thinking mean thoughts about him, when I caught myself and thought, when did I start becoming so mean?! I had been a mean kid in middle school, making fun of anyone who wasn’t similar to the cool kids, anyone who was fat, or had glasses, or braces. And then I caught myself doing it, and I felt sad for the person who was being subject to the meanness. I did a turnaround and in high school I became literally too nice, bending over backwards to be nice, which was again stupid, cos why think in extremes.
In university, I was too busy studying to give a damn either way, but the niceness stuck with me, through work and masters, and everything else. And now I feel like I’m going the other way again, being too mean, no one’s going to take advantage of me, no one will make a fool of me, etc. Now I dont mind getting into an argument in front of others, and I do not mind chastizing others in front of a group of people. I dont know which one’s better, I like being able to speak my mind, but I always regret speaking it afterwards. I regret it, cos I do not want to hurt anyone, and I feel that my sense of humor is completely off-key. No one understands it, and no one understands me – boohoo.
Jokes aside, I wonder if I will ever be able to find the balance between being too mean and being too nice. I wonder if all females face this problem in the workplace, they dont want to be called a bitch, but they dont want to be a pushover. The middle ground is what we all seek.
I have always been interested in fitness, that is one of those things that I love to talk about, to read about, to work on. Some of the websites that I regularly peruse are:
1. Women’s Health magazine online
2. Eating well
I was talking to a few of my favorite girls yesterday about health and fitness and nutrition, and they told me about a few friends of theirs and what they do to be “fit”. These girls starve themselves for 3 days of the week every week, being on a liquid diet, and reducing their caloric intake to 500-600 calories if that. And then they binge on anything and everything for the rest of the 4 days of the week every week, and I mean, chicken wings, mashed potatoes and gravy, burgers, cakes, muffins, and all. The 3 day diet causes them to lose some weight, but also they dont feel guilty when they are eating 5000 calories a day on the 4 days they are off their diet. Now these girls are only in their early twenties, so they are at their point in their life, where their metabolism is really great. With a little bit of exercise, they can become really fit and stay fit. In addition, these are the days where they are building the foundations of their bone health, their skin health, and everything else. These are the days they should be eating foods to prevent wrinkles, and osteoporosis later in their life.
I couldn’t believe that they could be putting their health and possibly their life at risk, by doing such stupid things with their diet. I would really love to know who gave them this brilliant idea to lose weight and stay skinny. I haven’t heard of a worse idea to lose weight than this one, and there have been a lot of weird ideas that have come my way. Hopefully they learn their lesson that its not a good idea to play with your body like this, before anyone gets seriously hurt.
Does anyone get the feeling that the older we get, the less we are able to joke with one another? We are all too busy trying not to offend each other, trying to be politically correct, just afraid to say anything, because it might be interpreted wrongly. It is so annoying sometimes, because there is no place on this earth where you can be yourself. Where you can feel that you are being true to yourself. I can’t even make any jokes anymore before thinking a billion times whether it would be appropriate.
I have the habit of always putting my foot in my mouth, I always blurt out inadvertently things that offend some people, make some people laugh, and leave some people mystified. Thats the nature of the game. A lot of times, I dont even expect people to laugh, but once its out of my mouth, its really hard to put it back in. Its out there in the open, and there is nothing I can do about it.
The result is that I find myself apologizing to people for unintentionally offending them more than I find myself having normal conversations. The funny thing is that its people who themselves have no qualms about saying offensive things bout other people under the cover of ‘I always tell the truth, no matter if it offends people’. But when it comes to themselves being under the public scrutiny and being told the truth about, suddenly the truth is really offensive, and they just can’t listen to it, without cringing and wanting an apology. It makes me so mad, and I guess, its a good thing that I have my hot yoga to calm myself down, otherwise, I would have an ulcer for sure.
One thing that I cannot bear is slights against my siblings. They are as perfect to me as can be, and I will bear other people calling them spoilt, or any other similar insults. SO when someone does say something derogatory about them, I flare up like a mama bear would against an intruder over her young ‘uns.
I wish everyone would stop being so oversensitive, and just relax. The world is a beautiful, funny place, even God has his sense of humor, look at all the different creatures he created, some of them I feel just for the fun of it. So its high time we learnt to have a sense of humor as well.
Yesterday, I had a minor sad moment when I realized the company that I had been dying to work for, and who had called me for 2 interviews already, was deciding to go with someone with more event experience. I had this mini session where I thought what if I never find a job, and I am a 35 year old, 10 years later, with no job, and no prospects. I like being at home right now, I try out new recipes, I went to USA for a wedding impromptu, which was nice, I go spinning, hot yoga and clubbing, but eventually I know I will tire of the free ride, and I will run out of money, at which point I will want a job really badly. I want a job really badly right now. I love to work, its fun, especially when you have a plan that in two years, you will go to South America for 6 months. That makes it easier for you to work without any real breaks.
I don’t know if its a female thing, but I get great pleasure, from feeding people and having them like my food. It must be an evolutionary thing, because I love it. I love cooking, weirdly enough I have realised, and I love to feed people. I thought if I was a chef, I would be really, really fat, cos I would eat all the food I cook, but its not like that in reality. When you cook, you do it to feed other people, and a lot of times I will not be impressed with my cooking as much as others would be.
I had a wedding in USA a week ago, and it was loads of fun, except I had to deal with chauvinistic, sexist male pigs, which always puts a damper on things, especially because I cannot keep my mouth shut. I try and try and try to control myself, and eventually the dam always bursts, and I say things, that I sometimes regret. Not the words themselves, because its better they are out in the open and everyone has heard them, but the fact that I said it. Thats the reason I journal, so I can say all of these things to a book, rather than out in the open. Who knows? Maybe its better for your health to let it all out rather than store it inside, where it could turn into a cancer, or something else.
